I wanted to title this piece, “Transitions”, but then my brain said, “aren’t we always in transition?” That’s been happening to me a lot, actually. Me thinking of something to write and then my brain saying, “why?”
But, here I am, writing. About transitions.
Six years ago, I started my company Harmonious Return.
A passion business, a calling, an “I need to do this” idea.
And over the years, this beautiful passion has transformed quite a bit. In fact, I’d say I’ve been in constant flow of transition.
From Nature-Connected Coaching, to Career Coaching, to writing my book: Reset Your Relationship to Your Job, to Human Design, to going back to work in Project Management, to Herbalism, to Wildlife Activism, to Highly Sensitive Person support, to Apprenticeship, to Intuitive Readings.
And honestly, the past six years have been incredibly tough, both emotionally and mentally.
Which led me to the last year and a half… in the thick of a much bigger transformation.
Not just with Harmonious Return, but in life.
I’ve been pulled into the squirmy space of the unknown.
Behind the scenes, it feels like a lot of my world has been in question. Things I’ve loved for my adult life… aren’t fun anymore. Habits that keep holding me back have revealed themselves for me to heal. And I’ve been in this space of, “who am I NOW and who do I want to be for the next 20 years of my life?”
For many, many months - it seemed like my spark went out and that I was stuck in inertia. As someone who has always been a dreamer, striver, achiever and go-getter… it was concerning (to say the least) that no matter what I did - I couldn’t figure out what I actually wanted anymore.
I swam in limbo for quite some time. A year maybe. Where I really felt lost, confused, frustrated and apathetic at the same time.
And like the slowest drip coffee in the world, my future self insights started to drip.
For me, what I have learned is that almost everything is about energy. If something feels heavy, restricted, fake or forced… I not only don’t want it… but at this point in my journey… I can’t engage in it anymore.
So, that’s where a lot uncovered for me. Following what energy I do want and what I don’t.
I’ve realized my days of overgiving, burning the candle at both ends, and striving to prove myself are gone.
And just about a month ago I had an epiphany that I had fallen into an unhealthy relationship with my business. I was doing it to be seen. To be valued. To prove that I mattered.
If I had more followers… that meant I was successful.
If I could make this work as a full time job… that meant I was successful.
If people didn’t engage with me… that meant I wasn’t good enough.
If I get off of social media… no one would care and my business would collapse.
My business isn’t successful because I never made a profit.
These were some intense narratives that were running me… without even realizing it.
And when I finally started to unearth all of this, I had to get really honest with myself in how I wanted to spend the next few years.
Would I continue in the toxic cycle above of pushing to prove myself to be seen and valued? Or would I finally decide for the first time in my life to choose myself first?
And while I wish I could tell you it was this beautiful, clear and concise realization and decision… I’ve just learned over the years of self-work… that’s not how life goes.
But what I did uncover was how I DO want to spend my energy.
I know I want to spend more of my energy on myself. And not just say that, but actually honor it and do it.
I do want to live in my actual life more… and less in the digital matrix.
I do want to spend more time in nature.
To give my energy to the people I cherish and the ones I’ll remember on my last days of life.
To create space in my life.
I want to write.
I am ready to blossom further into my intuitive, spiritual self.
To worry less about proving myself… and just do what I love because I love it.
I want to be more of a voice for nature and less for humans.
And as I look back at this short list, I actually feel really proud. I am gaining more clarity each day on where I want to focus my energy and where I do not.
Tangibably, I am sunsetting my coaching services. It was amazingly incredible, but my energy is being called elsewhere.
Instead, I am calling the practices that feel light, easeful and nourishing to me.
Writing: My soul has been calling me back to writing for sometime and I haven’t had the energetic space for it. So, I intend to create the space for the words to flow and allowing the universe to support that path as it unfolds.
Herbalism: Plants are my happy place and a practice that is so deeply fulfilling to me.
Earth Spirit Intuitive Readings: A part of me that hasn’t seen the public world yet, but a part of me that is growing more and more. My psychic, spiritual side. Doing intuitive readings for others has been one of my favorite pastimes for decades. I’m excited to reveal it to the world.
And on top of all the business pieces above, I am holding a lot of space for me, my husband, my son, my family and friends. My dogs, my joy and tending to my place.
It feels good. To put this out on a page. Like a declaration of what I intend.
Thank you for being here. Thank you nature spirits for helping to guide me and lead me to this space. Thank you to my incredible husband and life partner for walking next to me through every single step. Looking forward to years filled with even more intention, love and honoring of my beloved nature spirits.
Earth Love to You,
Taylor